Friday, July 15, 2005

Going Home.......Finally

Well, almost 4 months now. I'm back in Baghdad waiting for my flight. I'll spend a few days here to come back down from the excitement of the past 40 days. It feels good but now that I'm not 'running' at camp, I'm bored. I just want to be home now. I started this blog to try to describe what a person experiences while in Iraq. After 4 months, this is the situation report. My wife and I get along better than we ever have. I feel more strongly for her than I ever have. When we first started dating, I thought I was in love. That was nothing, THIS is what love feels like and it took being over here to really see it.

My daughters life didn't seem to change all that much with me being gone except the fact that I am not there to critic her every move trying to make her a 'better person'. I don't have to critic anything she does. She has been the young lady that everyone else knew she was but I refused to see. I have changed, she is still the same good girl as when I left. My son,........oh boy. He just doesn't understand. He's a little fella and he misses his Daddy. My wife told him over a week ago that I was coming home soon and she tells me that everyday, he looks out the window and asks when I'll get there....in my red truck? I sold it before I left but he thinks I drove it to Iraq. He's 3. I don't think any one thing tears at me as when I think of him. His face, somehow, hurts to think about. I'll tell you that I'm a very emotional person but I haven't had THE breakdown over here. I thought I would when I first got here but I didn't and I haven't. I don't know why.

The rest of my family, I think, thinks it's interesting that I'm over here but I never here from them so I'm really unsure of how they really feel. I talk to my Mother. She was pretty upset when I left but I think the fact that I'm here is settling in now. I imagine she bores people to death with Iraq stories. I've never served in the armed services like my family thought I should. I grew up with the military and it was never really my bag but being over here has brought me a lot closer to realizing that I probably could have done very well for myself in the service. I mesh well with every branch. I can't wait to get home and eat real food see my wife and my kids. It's indescribable what I'd do at this point to assure that I saw them again. I'm not feeling particularly poetic because I'm leaving. I'll end with this. Is it worth the money? Yes. Does it help your 10 year relationship? Yes. Have I asked myself several times what the Hell I'm doing here? YES. In the end though, whether you are working down the street or across the globe, it's about perception. Before I left, my wife and I were becoming roomates and I just wanted the kids to be quiet. I appreciate life 100 times more and I believe my family feels the same. We'll be stronger and wiser for this in the end.

2 comments:

Fayrouz said...

I just found your blog. I'm lucky to arrive here and read your romantic post to your wife and family. Love is beautiful.

I hope you come back home safely.

LifeLines Bracelets said...

My husband (the author of this blog) has been in Iraq for over 3 years now. It's been 4 years total but one year he spent at home with us. As of today, our entire family is torn apart. He is addicted to Iraq ... a country with Weapons, Drugs, Women and No Rules.

I haven't read these entries for a long time and I woke up this morning thinking of them. Unfortunately, there isn't a happy ending to Carpetbagger's story. He has referred to Iraq as his "home". The man that I married ... never came back to our home. There are no more blogs of love; he doesn't even celebrate or acknowledge our Wedding Anniversary.

I almost wish that he would have kept up on these blogs so that I would have been able to see when it was that he decided to lie in his bed with a foreign woman instead of closing his eyes and seeing me. Maybe I could have saved myself and our two children a year or two of pure hell. Maybe we could have moved on right then instead of eagerly awaiting a dad and husband to come home who didn't want to be here.

I hope, Fayrouz, that you too have made it back home safely and I truly hope that your story ends how Carpetbagger only fantasized his.